Folksongs Are Your Friends

Things I’ve learned from British folk ballads

To which I'll add:

Don't roughhouse while carrying a wee pen knife, or with someone carrying a wee pen knife. For that matter, don't spend any more time than you have to anywhere near anyone carrying a wee pen knife, particularly if they seem disturbed or agitated.

And don't employ, consort with, or go on moonlit strolls with anyone whose name or job description starts with "False"