Robin and Marion and Robin Hood and the Monk

Here is my pitch for a film script of the Robin Hood story, free of later revisionism.

Robin Hood tells his merry men he wishes to go to church to hear mass in Nottingham, and he takes Little John with him. On the way, they stop to shoot arrows for penny stakes, and eventually Robin wins five shillings but Little John says he hasn’t. They quarrel and part.

Meanwhile, Marion, a pretty shepherdess, is wooed by an amorous knight. She rebuffs him, telling him her heart belongs to Robin the shepherd. She warns him that her boyfriend’s back and he’s going to be in trouble (Hey down a down, her boyfriend’s back.)

The knight storms off, looking for Robin the shepherd, planning to beat him soundly.

Little John has second thoughts, and goes to Saint Mary’s church to find Robin. A monk tells him that no-one of that name has been there yet. Little John leaves five shillings with the monk and asks him to give them to Robin when he arrives.

Robin the shepherd comes to the church and the monk gives him the five shillings.

The knight meets a potter, and asks him where he can find Robin. The potter directs him to the forest, beneath the greenwood tree. The knight leaves for the forest.

Robin Hood meets little John, and tells him that he hasn’t met a monk, so Little John returns to recover the money. Robin Hood returns to meet Much the miller’s son and the other merry men beneath the greenwood tree.

Medieval sitcom hijinks ensue.