Tuesday, June 09, 2009

BNP Wins Two Seats in the European Parliament

The Britons’ Nationalist Party won two seats in the European Parliament, possibly profiting from voter confusion with the similarly named British National Party and the similarly initialed but more moderate Barking Nutters Party.

The Britons’ Nationalist Party

The Britons’ Nationalist Party exists to secure a future for the indigenous peoples of these islands in the North Atlantic which have been our homeland for millennia.

We use the term indigenous to describe the people whose ancestors were the earliest settlers here after the last great Ice Age and which have been complemented by the historic migrations from mainland Europe of the giant Albion, the daughters of Danaus, and the Trojan exile followers of Brute, grandson of Aeneas of Troy, who gave his name to Britain.

Immigrants who arrived in Britain no later than 1116 BC have an obvious moral right to an inviolable ethnic homeland, on the universally acknowledged basis of We Got Here First.

We will clamp down on the flood of ‘asylum seekers’, Huns, Scythians, Romans, Angles, Saxons, Jutes, Danes and Normans, all of whom are either bogus or can find refuge much nearer their home countries.

To ensure that the British people retain their homeland and identity, we call for an immediate halt to all further immigration, the immediate deportation of criminal and illegal immigrants, and the introduction of a system of voluntary resettlement whereby those Huns, Scythians, Romans, Angles, Saxons, Jutes, Danes and Normans who are legally here will be afforded the opportunity to return to their lands of ethnic origin. Ultimately we believe they will be happier among their own kind.

The Economy and Agriculture
The BNP calls for the selective exclusion of foreign products from British markets and the reduction of foreign imports such as cheap foreign wine. We will ensure that our goods are, wherever possible, produced in Britain by British workers. British vineyards, freed from unfair foreign competition, will flourish. Possibly the grapes must be grown in greenhouses, but this will increase the demand for the British glass and greenhouse industry.

When this is done, unemployment in this country will be brought to an end, and secure, well-paid employment will flourish, at last getting our people back to work and ending the waste and injustice of having more than 4 million people in a hidden army of the unemployed concealed by Labour’s statistical fiddles.

Priority will be switched from quantity to quality, as we move from competing in a global economy to maximum self-sufficiency for Britain. Self-sufficiency will require us to reduce our dependence on foreign sources of olive oil, bananas and kiwi fruit. It may cost a bit more to produce these in Britain, but self-sufficiency is worth that cost.

We also call for preference in the job market to be given to native Britons rather than Huns, Scythians, Romans, Angles, Saxons, Jutes, Danes and Normans.

We are against the ‘trendy’ teaching methods that have made Britain one of the most poorly educated nations in Europe. We call for the reinstatement of Geoffrey of Monmouth to the curriculum.

We will bring our troops back from Germany and withdraw from NATO, since recent political developments make both commitments obsolete.

We will close all foreign military bases on British soil, and refuse to risk British lives in meddling ‘peace-keeping’ missions in parts of the world where no British interests are at stake - a position of armed neutrality. Our armed forces will be strengthened and redeployed to their core mission: protecting Britain from predatory giants.

Law and Order
We support the re-introduction of corporal punishment for petty criminals and Vandals. And also for Huns, Scythians, Romans, Angles, Saxons, Jutes, Danes and Normans. And giants.

We support the restoration of beheading for paedophiles, terrorists and murderers, as well as any giants who already have more than one head.

We will end the ‘trendy’ practice of calling our capital city London instead of the traditional and much cooler name of Troinovant


Gaston de Clermont said...

Are these guys serious?

Will McLean said...


Some say that the Britons' Nationalist Party is an actual political party and the British National Party is an over-the-top online satire of it. Some say the reverse.

We report. You decide.

The Britons' Nationalist Party wants to rename London as Troinovant. The British National Party wants to treat Gurkhas shabbily. Which party is worthier of real support?

Gaston de Clermont said...

Knowing no more about them I'm inclined to support the Barking Nutter's Party. At least they're somewhat honest about themselves.