Friday, August 11, 2006

Memo from Usāmah

Dear Martyrs:

You may have experienced some disruption in communications due to recent Western security efforts. Fortunately, the same accursed technology that corrupts our youth with online images of tawdry sleepy-eyed minxes when they should be working on the latest al-Qaeda press release (yes, that means you, Abu) allows updated accurate information like this to reach you with a simple Google search on Homemade Nitro Explosives Jihad. How much more wonderful is Allah than the ungodly’s conception of him!

A key technical update: previously distributed recipes for the above have omitted an important quality control step. If this procedure is neglected, the explosive may fail to explode when required, with the result that the planeload of vacationing families is not sent screaming to their deaths, Allah forbid. After you have completed a test batch, it is quite important to strike the container of explosive vigorously against a hard surface to “settle” the mixture properly. Completing the procedure correctly will result in a subtle but clearly visible change in color for the mixture. Repeat if necessary until the change is observed.

My technical people tell me that the color change is very pleasing to observe, so you may wish to gather your team in a tight circle around the test batch for a good view of the process.

Don’t delay. Eternity waits for you.

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